I’m not talking here about the type of lists you find in the Guinness Book of Records. Nor, indeed, am I taking a swipe at my own A-Z list (now why would I want to do that?). No, the bone I have to pick is with those lists that require subjectivity and partiality.

In particular, I’m thinking of those Top 100 lists on Channel 4 as presented by the king of the one-liner, Jimmy Carr, such as 100 Greatest Christmas Moments and 100 Greatest Tearjerkers. The channel even broadcast an evening-long programme listing the 100 worst living Britons — presented by, you guessed it, Jimmy Carr. If Jimmy Carr doesn’t watch it he soon might find himself making it into the list.

These lengthy countdowns are an indictment of the health of British-made programming, but, on a more personal level, they also stoke intense anger. I don’t know who exactly is surveyed when these lists are compiled but one gets the feeling that they mustn’t have a clue what they’re talking about — just like the “celebrity experts” who appear on the show to share their misplaced opinions.

Thankfully I haven’t seen Jimmy Carr introducing a brand-new list for quite some time. Maybe he’s finally had enough of having to rein in his caustic brand of wit and he’ll return to being fucking funny again. Or maybe Channel 4 have simply run out of ideas — although that’s presumably what led them to put these lists into production in the first place. I mean, where do Channel 4 go from here? The 100 Greatest Lists as presented by Michael McIntyre? The 100 Smelliest Gypsies as presented by Jimmy Carr? How about The 100 Funniest Moments Involving A Cat and A Household Appliance?

I can almost hear the pitch at Channel 4’s headquarters.