Deal Or No Deal is a show only Homer Simpson could find remotely fascinating… or so I thought. Depressingly, it seems there are a lot of people out there who find watching ordinary people open boxes thrilling. And it’s not just the Yanks and the Brits who have a soft spot for boxes: Lebanon, among many other countries around the world, even has its own version of the show.

At least Deal Or No Deal in the Lebanon isn’t hosted by Noel Edmonds. Conceited and smarmy, Edmonds exudes the air of a creepy man who’s overstayed his welcome. He’s also a grade-A waffler; you feel like he could waffle on about boxes for hours if you gave him half a chance.

I guess when the format of the show is as simple (and as stupid) as it is, you have to excuse Edmonds his trespasses. I mean, am I missing something or is the game just one big game of Eeny, meeny, miny, moe? OK there’s the offer from the “banker” over the phone, but it basically boils down to a high-stakes game of chance.

Don’t tell that to the contestants though. They seem to be under the illusion that they can tease out the identity of the prize box; they think that because their lucky number is 4, or because they had a visceral reaction to seeing box number 11, that they can make an “informed” decision. It’s actually amazing how long the contestant will mull over which box to choose. I guess they do have to fill a 45-minute show — if it was me up there in the hot seat the show would be over in 10 minutes!

I’d watch The Weakest Link and Who Wants to be a Millionaire the odd time, but I can’t stand watching some greedy moron deliberating over which unmarked box to opt for (no box is more likely than the other, you twat!). Deal Or No Deal? No deal, thanks very much.