Hi, my name’s Jack and I’ve a rep for being a bit of a moan. Well I’ve decided I’m not going to mope around feeling aggrieved — the irony would not be lost on me — but instead embrace my dubious reputation.

To be fair to my friends, they do have a point sometimes. Think of anything — off the top of my head: relationships, pillows, puppies — and I’ll find fault with it. Relationships: time consuming; pillows: comfortable for all of about 5 minutes; puppies: just about everything about them.

To begin with I’ll start an ‘A to Z of Moans’. Then, when I’ve exhausted every letter in the alphabet — as well as every reader’s sympathy — I’ll adopt a more spontaneous approach and moan about whatever happens to be bugging me at that particular time.

(Like right now the radio is pissing me right off. I mean, why are radio adverts persistently awful?!)

P.S. Thought the photo of me shrouded in rain would rather appropriate. Despite what you might think, however, a dark cloud does not follow me everywhere I go.

Jack, aka Sir Moans-a-lot, signing out.